


Weird Friends

by ellerkay



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Heimdall is the best, I thought this was going to be pure comedy, Loneliness, Telepathy, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, even though Tony is sad a bunch, it's still funny, then suddenly angst started happening too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 21:37:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14270058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellerkay/pseuds/ellerkay
Summary: Thor tells Tony that if the Avengers need to get a message to him, they can send it through Heimdall. Tony abuses the privilege.





	Weird Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Begins at the end of _Avengers: Age of Ultron_ with a line of dialogue lifted from the film.

“Besides this one – “ Thor patted Tony’s chest affectionately. “There’s nothing that can’t be explained.”

He walked a few feet away and started to lift his hammer.

“Wait wait wait,” Tony said. “How are we supposed to get in touch with you?”

“Cell phone!” Steve said quickly. Tony gave him a withering look.

“One, he is the only person I’ve ever met who is worse than _you_ with technology. Two, I don’t really think there are cell towers all over the galaxy.”

“Oh, right.”

Thor frowned. “Well, I will be on my own quest. But if you have great need of me, you can call out to Heimdall.”

“Who’s that? What will that do?” Tony demanded.

“Heimdall is a friend. He watches, always. He can see and hear everything.”

“WHAT?” Tony looked horrified. “So, say I’m in the bathroom – ”

Thor smiled. “I said he _can_ see everything, not that he chooses to. He is selective about what he observes. Say his name to get his attention, and speak whatever message you have for me. He’ll make sure I get it.” He raised his hammer; the Rainbow Bridge appeared, and he was gone.

“That’s bullshit, right?” Tony said. “That can’t possibly be true.”

Steve shrugged. “I’ve seen a lot I would have thought couldn’t possibly be true, especially after I woke up seventy years in the future.”

“Hmm. I guess Thor does have some weird friends.”

“We’re his friends.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

***

A couple weeks later, Tony was eating leftover barbeque from his favorite restaurant in Austin, where he’d taken Pepper for an overnight, mostly because he wanted the barbeque.

 _Thor would love this_ , he thought. _Why didn’t I ever think to take him there?_

“If he’d just stuck around…” Tony muttered. And he couldn’t even get in touch with him.

Well…technically, there was _supposed_ to be a way.

“After all those years with JARVIS, you wouldn’t think I’d feel this stupid talking out loud to someone I can’t see,” Tony said. “Of course, I knew he existed and could hear me…” He fell silent for a moment, frowning, shoulders hunched.

“Fuck it,” he continued, straightening up. ‘Nothing ventured, nothing blah blah.” He cleared his throat. “Heimdall! Tell Thor next time he’s on Earth, I’m taking his immortal ass to the best barbeque restaurant in Austin. I’ll call ahead and make sure they have several times their usual daily order of meat on hand.”

 _That should get him back here pretty soon,_ he thought. He took another bite of ribs.

“Oh!” he said after a second. “And don’t think just because I talked to you that you’re allowed to watch me in the bathroom now.”

***

Although he never heard anything back, and he half thought this Heimdall character was absolutely not listening, Tony got into the habit of letting him know anything he would have texted Thor, if Thor been on Earth and had any idea how to use a cell phone.

“Heimdall,” he said one day when he was flipping through channels and found _Point Break_ airing, “let Thor know his movie’s on TV and we’re going to watch it again next time he’s on the planet.”

“Hey Heimdall, Thor needs to know how good this pizza is,” he said, as he polished off a slice.

“Heimdall, tell Thor his fangirls are at it again,” he said, grinning as he scrolled through Avengers fan blogs. “And they’re really stepping up their RPF game.”

“Heimdall, ask Thor how he gets his arms so big,” he said, when he was working out. “I think he’s cheating with Asgard magic somehow.”

It wasn’t every day, but he kept passing messages along regularly, just in case anyone was getting them.

One day, several months after Thor had left Earth, Tony was sprawled on the couch, reading, when there was a tapping at his living room window. He looked up to see a black raven on his windowsill. It was tapping the window with its beak.

“The _fuck_ ,” Tony said. He made a shooing motion at it. “Get out of here.”

The raven tapped again, more insistently, and Tony realized it was holding a piece of paper in its beak. He blinked and got up to open the window.

“One ‘nevermore’ out of you and I’m chasing you out with a broom,” he warned the bird. It dropped the paper into his hand and flapped its wings, disintegrating into a cloud of gold sparks.

“Well, that was dramatic,” Tony said. He unfolded the piece of paper.

 _Tony_ , the message read, _I have enjoyed your missives, but Heimdall says to contact him for emergencies only. I miss you, my friend! When I am next on earth we will eat all the barbeque the land of Austin has to offer._ It was signed with a little picture of Mjollnir. Tony laughed.

“Sorry, Heimdall,” he said. “I’ll shut up now, and if you knew me, you’d know that’s a big deal.”

***

The night Pepper moved out, Tony sat drinking his way through most of a bottle of whiskey in the semi-darkness of his living room, not saying anything.

“Why don’t you contact Thor through Heimdall, boss?” FRIDAY asked finally. He’d ignored her suggestions to eat, or turn on the television, or go do something in the workshop.

“The Heimdall Hotline is for emergencies only,” Tony said. “Pepper and me being on a break isn’t an emergency.” He took another drink.

“Are you sure?”

Tony sighed. “We’ll work it out,” he said, rubbing his temples. “She’ll be back. Probably. Maybe. I hope so. Anyway, there’s no reason to bother Thor with this. Or Heimdall. I don’t even know the guy.”

***

Half an hour later, FRIDAY had convinced Tony to go to bed. He stumbled to the bathroom and was brushing his teeth when he heard a deep voice say, _Tony Stark?_

Except he hadn’t heard it. It was in his head. Tony sighed and spit out his toothpaste.

“Great,” he said to his reflection. “You’ve finally lost it for real.”

 _No,_ said the voice. _My name is Heimdall. I thought we should meet._

“Holy crap,” Tony said, stupefied. He blinked, recovering himself. “Hey! What did I say about spying on me in the bathroom?”

Rich laughter seemed to roll around in his skull. _I wanted to apologize for not checking in on you sooner,_ Heimdall said. _May I show you why I’ve been distracted?_

“I…guess?” Tony said. As he looked into the mirror, he saw his eyes suddenly turn golden, and he stepped back in shock –

He wasn’t in his bathroom anymore. He was somewhere else entirely, and standing in front of him was a handsome man with gold eyes.

“Heimdall, I presume?” Tony said. He glanced around. “Where are we, the set of _Lord of the Rings_?”

Heimdall grinned. “Thor said you were funny,” he said. “You’re not here, only seeing this through my eyes. This is Asgard, and it is in danger.” He pointed, and Tony saw they were overlooking a courtyard full of people. They seemed to be fighting someone, a whirling dervish of flashing blades at the center of the crowd.

“What is she _wearing_?” Tony asked. “Now I’m really regretting using Reindeer Games on Loki. But hey, feel free to borrow it.”

“I only have a moment,” Heimdall said. “I wanted to explain why I can’t tell Thor that you need a friend just now.”

“Need a…” Tony shook his head. “Don’t be ridiculous. Where _is_ Thor?”

“Very far away,” Heimdall replied. “He cannot help us now.”

“I’ll help,” Tony said quickly. “I’ll grab my suit, and…”

Heimdall shook his head. “I can’t bring you here physically without drawing far too much attention,” he said. “But your valor is appreciated.”

He looked down the hallway to his left. Tony heard a babble of frightened voices, drawing near.

“I must go,” Heimdall said. He clapped a hand on Tony’s shoulder. “I wish you the best, Tony Stark. Perhaps one day, if I survive this conflict, you can introduce me to some of your Earth food. You made it sound very appealing.”

Tony was back in his bathroom. He leaned forward and examined his eyes in the mirror, but they were their usual color.

“My life isn’t like other people’s,” he said.

“No, it’s really not,” FRIDAY agreed.

Tony smiled just a little bit. After he got into bed, he stared at the ceiling for a couple minutes.

“Heimdall,” he said finally. “I know you’re busy, so this is going to be the last time I bug you for awhile. But listen, you better get through whatever is going on in Asgard, okay? Because no one should live their whole life without trying New York pizza.”

There was no response, but Tony hadn’t expected one. He drifted off to sleep, feeling a little bit less alone anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> The raven is a nod to the utterly delightful [Team Thor](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPNBKT6JLSU).


End file.
